i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
