you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
