Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
