Having a random hookup so left but love u
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
