I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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