i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
