I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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