there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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