So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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