I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
