I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the condom got lost in my hair
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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