the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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