I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
