I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
