Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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