She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
