So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
