You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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