dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
