I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
