My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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