Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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