i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
