I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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