so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
