Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
