I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
