I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
