How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
