Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
