Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
