Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
