i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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