You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
foreskin is a definite game changer
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
