Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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