it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
