she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
