you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
