you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
