Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
P.S. I can't hear my feet
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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