Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
