Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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