I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
