haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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