well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
