i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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