yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
