Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
