I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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