the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize