i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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