i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
