You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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