Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
