Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
