She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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