I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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