We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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