Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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