my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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