I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
