you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Randomize
