somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
