I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
