im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
