you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You ate ashes out of my bong
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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