The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
