just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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