His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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