dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
