I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
