i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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