went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
