um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize