Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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