So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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