just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
