I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Randomize