peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
