apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
