you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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