i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
