Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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