the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
