i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
