why didn't you poke me back
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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