This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
