Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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