i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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