I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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