you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
