You just made me feel so damn special
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
