if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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