Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
