my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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