Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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