My hand turned me down
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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