My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
