Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
